Sunday, 22 February 2015

The Big Rant

I am not a negative person, but when a bunch of really annoying things happen, I sometimes have to use this as a therapeutic venting platform. So here it goes.

50 Shades of Grey

Imagine the following. You pay £15 to sit closely next to a middle aged couple who are holding hands, whilst you all awkwardly watch a film that very much resembles the painful, dragging feeling of waiting ages for a porn video to buffer, only to learn that when it finally plays, it's a shit porno.

seconds before we're subjected to full bush

70's Fashion

The early 2000's were very bad times for the world of fashion; footless tights, corset tops, satin halternecks, things with rhinestones, boho skirts, fur gillets and more. I remember back in 2003 when peasant tops were all the rage.

Sorry Clare, banging bod but that top is horrendous

For some really strange reason, these are back in fashion, and you can't move for seeing gypsy tops and flowery kaftans in every high street shop.

If something genuinely suits you and it's a nod towards the trend, then fine. But if you're someone who is suddenly wearing a suede, tasselled poncho and battling gusts of wind so that your over-sized, aubergine fedora doesn't blow away, purely because they are in fashion, then you really don't deserve to live.

we don't want to go back here guys

A boy spitting

Yesterday I went to my local shopping mall and saw a 7/8 year old chav boy spit on the floor of a shop. I was so shocked that my mouth dropped open and glared at him. He froze and stared back at me like a rabbit caught in headlights. We held solid eye contact for a good 5 seconds and it was a very weird experience. I felt waves of despair throughout the day afterwards.

Gluten Free Fad

Do you have Coeliac disease? No? Then you don't need to be eating anything gluten free.

People who write Facebook status like letters

"Dear annoying person on Facebook,

The inanimate object/illness/God you're writing to will never read your status so maybe you should stop being an attention seeker.


Save Face ad

Well of course I have to tie my rant up into advertising in some way, so to end, please take a look at this photo of an ad I took on the tube

Now, I don't know about you, but if I had had face surgery and was bleeding from the eye, I would be looking pretty distressed. More distressed than this woman looks like. But then I suppose that's because the blood isn't actually coming from her eye, it looks more like she is off out for Halloween and dripped some vampire blood on her tear duct.

The classic 'crying blood' girl

This company is called Save Face, a search/advice provider for people looking to have surgery and want proper accredited practitioners.

It's actually a decent company with a good website and online presence, it's a just a shame that their ad is missing that sophistication and high quality feel that you would associate with a trustworthy brand. If you're looking for superior treatment, you are only going to take the most professional-looking ones into serious consideration, not something that has been slapped together with bad Photoshop.

Thanks for reading, I feel free.

Monday, 2 February 2015

Top 3 super Superbowl ads!

Another year, another half time performance, another winner, another bunch of British people staying up til 4am pretending to care about American Football. Gooooo Patriots!

I'm here for one thing and one thing only - to tell you my Top 3 Superbowl 2015 ads (and one awful one).
They've paid $4.5 million for the pleasure of 30 seconds airtime, so it's only fair I blog ya know.

Ad that SUCKED

So, there was a shit fast food one with Snoop Dogg, (I mean.. moneysupermarket, happy socks.... by God man, have some PRIDE.), then there was a depressing one from Nationwide Life Insurance about dead children, and there was one for some burger company with lots of hot naked women rolling around, but I will pick one I think was a genuine waste of air time.

Geico is a car insurance company, so what better way to spend £4.5million than getting a decrepit Salt'N'Pepa to mime 'Push It' whilst people push things.  

(click to watch ad)

Like why? WHY? Who thought that would be a good idea for a car insurance advert? Makes me sad that all that money went on this.

please get out of my life

#3. BMW
I made it a top 3 so I had to be strict and leave out some goodies such as Victoria Secret, Always, Esurance, and many lovely heart-string tuggers and stories about great dads. 
But this particular one for BMW I thought was cool because of how it started.

It begins with a real TV clip from 1994 where two TV presenters are talking about this weird thing called the 'internet' and can't decide what '@' means. Fast forward to 2015 and two people are kind of confused about this new kind of i3 electric BMW. Here comes the tag line 'Big ideas take a little getting used to', and ends with the hashtag #HelloFuture. So good.

(click to watch ad)


For 8 years now, Doritos have been letting the public make their own ads for Doritos in return for a million quid and a spot on the Super Bowl ad breaks. 'Crash The Super Bowl' competition got nearly 5000 entries this year and the winner was picked by public vote. There were some brilliant ads made by the public - so many funny ones which is a shame because I personally thought a lot of the finalists were funnier than the winners. If you want to see them click here.

However the winner was pretty good, and this ad gets my vote at number 2 purely because I think it's cool it was made by a member of the public.

(click to watch ad)


I love love love the 'You're Not You When You're Hungry' ads - they are so funny whilst relating to anyone who's mood changes when they are hungry (everyone). If you're not familiar with the previous Snickers ads by AMV BBDO, I did a post on them a while ago - check it out here.

This particular one features Steve Buscemi and Danny Trejo - who both famously play villains and criminal characters (have to just state that for non-film fans!)
Set as an old Brady Bunch movie, we see Danny as a hungry Marsha Brady, and a hungry Jan is represented by Steve. 

(click here to watch ad)

When an ad make me laugh out loud, want to watch it again, and want to eat the product, I think that's probably a winner.